How to Catch a Husband Cheating
There are dozens of telltale signs that your husband may be cheating on you, but many of these are unreliable, based on circumstantial evidence that may not stand up in an argument, let alone in a court of law.
But catching a cheating husband is a bit different today than it was for most of the world’s history. We no longer have to find lipstick on the collar or that long strand of red hair on the hairbrush in the bathroom to catch a cheat. Nowadays, suspicious wives can turn to technology to catch their husbands in the act. It may be sneaky, but you sometimes have to be sneaky to catch a sneak.
First, a quick review of potential behaviors that started you on this path of distrust. Is your husband working late more often than usual? Does he preen in front of the mirror more than he used to? Is he suddenly hypercritical or does he suddenly present you with flowers totally out of character, possibly because his guilty conscious ordered him to do so?
Does he confide in you less than he did in the past? Does he suddenly jolt into a different position as you enter a room – possibly to hide some text message he is composing confessing his love to someone else? Does he have new interests or – everyone favorite giveaway – does he suddenly have new moves he is trying out in the bedroom?
Now that your suspicion is up, you may find yourself lost as to how to get concrete evidence that something is amiss. If you approach him directly – and maybe you have – you have a slim chance of getting the truth, partly because cheating is more fun than being honest (how boring is that?). So, now you have to take the stealthy approach. Go buy a felt fedora and a trench coat with a wide collar. It is time to go to work.
Short of buying a drone to fly over your neighborhood and film your driveway without being seen, the world of high tech can easily arm a suspicious spouse with tools of the trade that Inspector Gadget might drool over.
It falls to reason that many people who suspect their husbands are cheating could find out their suspicions are wrong! Research bears this out, as a 1994 General Society Survey found 78 percent of men and 88 percent of women denied ever having an extramarital affair, numbers that were compatible with previous years. Surveys, meanwhile, could differ, but it does not seem likely that the number of extramarital affairs is something that changes much from decade to decade. It’s the kind of behavior that humans have engaged in for centuries – if not since the dawn of civilization. It’s not likely to have changed a lot in 20 years.
That said, a 1981 National Survey of Women found similar numbers – 10 percent of women admitted they had extramarital sex at some point. In another survey, one from 1993, a General Social Survey found 1.5 percent of married adults of either sex reported having extramarital relations within a year of answering a questionnaire, while a similar survey found 3 percent of respondents admitted to infidelity within the past 12 months.
So, maybe you’ll get lucky and find out your husband is secretly plotting to take you away to a remote island on your anniversary as a surprise – or maybe he’s become – one can only hope – involved in a lucrative no-victim crime syndicate and you’ll find your marriage is secure. That could happen, too.
On the other hand, here are some options:
The trail of crumbs a cheater leaves behind are often digital these days. Cheaters contact their lovers through e-mails, in chat rooms and in social media outlets. They may even have met there.
So here’s the thing: Before you jump in and purchase monitoring software for either remote or immediate spying on someone, you should check the regulations in your state about what you can or cannot do. You may be breaking the law by spying on someone, even in your own house, so double check what’s legal and what is not.
Oddly, there are times when it is perfectly OK to monitor someone’s behavior electronically as long as you get their permission to do so first. But, what’s the fun in that, especially if that defeats your purpose entirely.
However, there are many options for computer monitoring. These involve installing what is called keylogging software that simply means you have personal access to the data that the program collects. Install the software as you would any other, but keep it to yourself. Later, you can view each and every keystroke your husband has made while you weren’t looking.
Cell phone Monitoring
Just as easy, you could try cellphone monitoring, using software that monitors and records everything from text messaging to phone calls dialed or received. You can monitor emails or photographs sent from a phone and keep track of your husband’s location.
While this is easy to do and software can be found that cannot be seen by the phone’s owner, you do have to get possession of the phone for long enough to install the software. But you can do that while you’re husband is asleep.
If satellites can keep track of your car for directions to a location or monitor how far away the next green is on a golf course, Global Positioning Systems can certainty be installed in a car to keep track of your husband’s whereabouts.
Modern GPS tracking systems are no bigger than a deck of cards and can be quickly installed in your husband’s vehicle. Quickly, you can receive data as accurate as what parking spot was used at a stop or when the car accelerated or came to a stop. Using satellite imaging, you can even get a photo of the car in motion or parked.
If you need to go this route, you can find devices that track semen and vaginal fluids and run these through DNA imaging, so you can find and compare DNA evidence to your own. If that’s not your husband’s DNA on the bed sheets and it’s not your own, you have found yourself a cheater after the fact.
Needless to say, basic surveillance options abound these days, from hidden cameras to motion detectors to voice-activated recording devices. You might install these to catch prowlers in your area, or to monitor your infant in the crib to listen for signs of distress. But the same devices can be used to catch a cheat. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose.
The Paper Trail
You can use someone else’s technology to catch a cheat, namely the system that tracks the movement of money. ATM or restaurant receipts, bank or credit card statements, even movie stubs can tell you that your husband was not where he said he was or doing what he said he was doing.